The
New York Play of the Crucifixion
Introduction
(adopted from a blogpost I wrote in 2019):
Before my piece in @voxdotcom,
the most likely time for me to really speak about my roofing experience and
medieval culture was in reference to the York Play of the Crucifixion, my
favorite of the so-called cycle plays. Particularly appropriate for Good
Friday.
The cycle plays were collections
of dramatic retellings of biblical stories from later medieval England. On the
feast of Corpus Christi in June the guilds-people of a town would put on these
plays on pageant wagons pulled through the city. Each guild would have a short
play telling all of Christian time from Creation until the Last Judgement. These
plays were creative & interpretive taking sometimes single sentences from
the Bible and fleshing them out into mini dramas with multiple speaking parts.
One of the fullest collections of
these plays survives from the city of York. Of the 47 plays the largest number
not surprising have to do with the life of Jesus and most of them deal with the
events of Holy Week. One entire play is devoted to the logistics of the
crucifixion & it’s this play that makes me think about my roofing days.
Because this play about literally attaching Jesus to the cross and raising it
up is told entirely from the point of view of four surly workers who have a
very shitty job to do. They sound just like the guys I used to work with. Not
only do they complain about the work, they make all kinds of inappropriate
crude jokes while performing the work. The work of nailing Jesus to the cross
and raising it up. All of which would have been performed on stage with another
actor portraying Jesus.
90% of the dialogue in this play is what my dad would have
called “bitching & moaning” or “belly aching.” The kind of crude banter
that takes place on a job site especially when the boss is not around. The tone
of dialogue reminds me of the conversations of Roofers
on a hot roof. In her recent edition for @broadviewpress
Tina Fitzgerald calls it “cringe-worthy”. Definitely. It’s dark
dark humor with an aggressive edge. It’s performative
“humor” that does not cause joy. The Roofers
I worked with constantly “joked” but rarely laughed. It’s vicious humor. A way
to cope with the extreme often inhumane conditions on a roof.
I remember telling my dad once
that it’s funny that medieval people imagined Hell as a place of extreme heat,
endless labor noxious fumes and boiling tar & pitch. It’s a fucking roof.
It’s what I studied during the year & did during the summers.
And that’s the other thing, if you’ve never been there you
cannot imagine how crude the language on a roof can be. “Fuck” serves as
every part of speech as well as punctuation. I had no idea my dad could talk
this way until I got on my first roof. Everybody talks that way. You have to
talk that way. So when I first read and taught the
York Play of the Crucifixion I was like “i know these
guys; I’ve worked with these guys” But most of my students have never had the
particular experience of working brutal physical labor on a crew. So I endeavored to translate the York Play to what it would
have sounded like if the guild performing it was Long Island Roofers. I never finished it, but here’s my
opening of my draft of the New York Play of the Crucifixion. The Middle English can be found
here
WARNING the language in what
follows is extremely crude and offensive.
CONTENT WARNING: CRUDE
BLASPHEMOUS LANGUAGE
(I have actually edited it to
make it less in your face offensive. All the F-word have been replaced with “eff”)
Roofer
1
Yo, Roofas! Heads up,
get ova here!
Effing gotta
make this sh-t happen.
Effin you know effin
Boss says this dipsh-t’s
gotta die.
Decisions been made. It’s happening
Roofer
2
Eff yeah we effing
know.
We’re here, aint
we?
Let’s do this thing. Every effing body
Roofer
3
Eff yeah
Roofer
4
Well, tell us what to do, and we’ll do
it.
Roofer
1
Dude, you wanna
get paid let’s get the effin lead outta
ya boots
Roofer
2
Dead by noon? That’s the plan?
Roofer
3
We’ll, let’s effin
get going.
Roofer
4
We effing smack this dude around, we
don’t gotta listen to his sh-t
no more.
Roofer
1
Yeah, effin
sucks for him and his family when he’s hangin on a effin cross. This’ll teach him something.
Roofer
2
Worst way to die, he’s effing dying for
sin.
Roofer
3
This’ll teach him to cross us, eh? Eh? Haha
Roofer
4
Yeah.
Let’s effin go.
Roofer
1
Let’s effin do
this right if we’re gonna do it.
Roofer
2
You don gotta
tell me that mista.
Let’s get him dangling.
Roofer
3
[running in]
I got ya tools
here.
Take your hammers, and look at these big
ass effin nails.
[holds one nail on crotch]
Roofer
4
Ready to go! Effin terrorist is gonna die.
Roofer
1
Yeah, we’ll see how many effers pull sh-t like this after
they see this piece of sh-t.
Roofer
2
You don gotta
tell me to put sh-theads like this in their place.
Roofer
3
You effin
ready? All this sh-t
ready? Let’s effin do this.
Roofer
4
This cross is good; saves us time,
getting it already with the effin holes in it. Looks alright.
Roofer
1
Lay this b**** out; he’s about to get
nailed.
Roofer
2
He’s about to feel some serious pain for
all that bullsh-t; you’re gonna
like this.
Roofer
3
Come on, b****, you aint
gonna be so happy for long.
Roofer
4
Effing about to get paid, b****.
Roofer
1
He we effin
go.
JESUS:
Oh God, my almighty father on high,
generous Lord,
Remember me.
You commanded me to obey you and to
suffer for the sin of Adam.
I willing submit to death, to save all
people from sin.
I ask of you, O Lord,
that they find grace, through this my
death.
Protect them from evil; keep their could safe in joy everlasting.
This is all I ask.
Roofer
1
Jesus-effin-Christ. Listen to this effin
guy.
Boo-hoo-hooin for others.
Jesus.
Roofer
2
Effin raghead aint doing so well.
He must have sand in his ears, he aint even effin scared.
Roofer 3
Woulda helped if he
kept his effin mouth shut.
You gotta
know, you don’t go sayin sh-t
like that.
Roofer 4
Yeah, b****, you happy about that sh-t now?
Thinkin about what you
went aroun sayin.
Roofer 1
Shoulda effin used his right to remain silent.
He’s gonna be effin regretting now.
Roofer 2
Eff anybody that feels bad for this b****
untils he’s dead.
Roofer 3
Get to it, b****; on the ground.
Get ya ass on
the effing wood.
Roofer 4
Look at this sh-t!
He’s effin making himself all comfortable.
Roofer 1
Tie up this effin
terrorist, all three of ya.
Effin Gitmo style.
Dude like to dress fancy enough, we’ll effin hang him up like a prince.
Roofer2
[ties his hand to cross]
Righty-tighty
Roofer 3
[ties his hand to cross]
Sorry b****, it’s lefty-tighty too.
Roofer 4
I got his feet. Stretch this terrorist like
a big boy till you get in the hole.
Roofer
1:
[puts rope around Jesus’ neck]
I’ve got his effin
head.
Sting this effer up.
Roofer
2:
Well you know
we aint effin going nowhere
till we’re effin done
Not even
getting paid
So let’s effing finish up
Roofer
3:
You think I
don’t effing know?
We’re effin ready
Roofer
4:
Little b****
here’s about to get paid in full
Roofer
1:
[trying to sort out the process of what they
are doing; confused. Everybody has been working on their own limb]
Hold on. The eff.
Is this how it’s supposed to effin go?
Roofer
2:
You see the effing
hole?
You see his effing
hand?
You see this effing
nail?
Pretty
straight forward.
Roofer
1:
Hammer away Moe!
Roofer
2:
[drives nail into wood, seeming through right
hand]
That nail aint going nowhere.
Tight as eff.
Nail’s good; I felt it catch effer’s bone and muscle.
One hundred effin percent.
Roofer
1:
[Turns to Roofer 3]:
How’s it going over here?
It almost beer o’clock
Roofer
3:
Look at this effing
sh-t.
Effer’s too small to reach the hole.
He’s all effing
shriveled like he went swimming on a cold day
Roofer
4:
Who the eff
measured this?
Roofer
2:
It’s going effing
hurt to make this work
Roofer
3:
[looking at the distance between Jesus’s hand
the hole]:
Yeah this is all effed up. I don’t think this
is doable.
Measure twice drill once.
Roofer
1:
Lotta effing hands-on-hips
not a lotta effing working right now.
Effing
stretch him.
We aint gonna stop now.
Roofer
3:
Jesus Eff who
put you in charge?
Get the eff over here and help ya sonabitch
Roofer
1:
Watch how
fast I effin hustle
Joe poke’s on the job eff
Roofer 3:
I got it I got it. Nailed tight, both hands.
He aint goin nowhere
now.
Roofer 4:
Then let’s stop effin wasting time, everyone get to his feet every-effin-one
Roofer 2:
His pain is our gain. This is gettin fun.
[All four gather around the foot of the cross]
Roofer 4:
What the HELL? Who drilled this sh-t?
This aint gonna work
at all.
The holes are too far down
Roofer 1:
Calm the eff down Jesus.
Let’s not stand around scratching our asses.
Get an effing rope and we’ll make him fit, even if we have to rip the
eff
Roofer 2:
Gimme that
rope! I don’t wanna see no effin
mess you’d make out of it.
I know how to actually make knots.
I’ll keep our boy here in place.
Roofer 1:
The eff do I care?
Do it. And I don’t give an eff it if hurts him.
Roofer 2:
Come one you girls, pull, keep going
Roofer
3:
Yo I’m on
it.
Roofer 4:
Hammer’s ready. Gonna nail this b
Roofer
2:
Now pull!
Roofer
4:
Yo yo chill good, far enough!
Roofer 1:
Okay okay, then nail him.
Roofer 4:
Tight as you know what. Eff. These nails would hold a bull downn.
Roofer 1:
Damn these ropes done messed this guy up, look at him squirm.
Roofer
2:
Yeah, damn he’s ripped apart, bones and veins and eff.
Roofer 3:
Yeah well maybe he’ll finally shut the eff up. All his blabbing got him
here.
Roofer 4:
Well I’ll go tell the boss we’re done with this sh-t.
God, what a pain.
Roofer
1:
No, no, no, gentlemen, we aint done.
Boss said we gotta set him up high you know,
like a flagpole, so everyone can see him.
Roofer 2:
Are you effing kidding me? My back eff.
Roofer 1:
Quit your bellyaching, this thug has to be hung up, right over here.
Roofer 2:
Yeah, they got this hole over there to drop this whole rig in.
Roofer 3:
Well let’s go, all hands on deck.
Roofer 4:
What the eff? Just the four of us?
And we gotta get it up that hill?
Eff we’ll be here all effin day.
Roofer 1:
Listen to this effin guy. What you only pick
up light things?
Roofer 2:
No, but eff, we gonna need more men to get
this sh-t up there.
Roofer 3:
No we aint need no more if you effs would stop being p’s. We can
do it let’s effin go.
1 SOLDIER:
It must be done by us, indeed.
No more; let's do this speedily.
I'll lift this part and take the lead;
On ground he must no longer be.
Therefore to work we bend,
And bear him to that hill.
4 SOLDIER:
Well, I'll bear up this end,
And attend his toes un-till.
2 SOLDIER:
We two shall see to either side,
Or else this work will go all wrong.
3 SOLDIER:
We are ready.
4 SOLDIER:
Sirs, abide,
And let me get a grip that's strong.
2 SOLDIER:
Why spend your time on talk this tide?
1 SOLDIER:
Lift up!
4 SOLDIER:
Let see!
2 SOLDIER:
Oh! Lift along!
3 SOLDIER:
From all this harm he'd surely hide
If he were God.
4 SOLDIER:
The devil him hang!
1 SOLDIER:
My shoulder's out of joint;
My pain is far too great.
2 SOLDIER:
Well, I am nearly spent
With bearing up this weight.
3 SOLDIER:
This cross and I must separate
Or else my back will splinter soon.
4 SOLDIER:
Stop the din; put down the freight.
This deed by us can not be done.
1 SOLDIER:
Let's see if we may now abate
Our work by thinking, everyone.
For sturdy men should honour get,
Not waste the day with jests alone.
2 SOLDIER:
Well, sturdier men than we
I think you will not find.
3 SOLDIER:
This work is not for me;
I have no second wind.
4 SOLDIER:
At such a loss we never were.
I guess this churl some spells has cast.
2 SOLDIER:
My burden made me very sore;
Upon that hill? I shall not
last!
1 SOLDIER:
Lift up, and soon we'll get him there.
So, clamp on your fingers, fast.
3 SOLDIER:
And, lift!
1 SOLDIER:
Good, ho!
4 SOLDIER:
A little more.
2 SOLDIER:
And stop!
1 SOLDIER:
And now?
2 SOLDIER:
The worst is past.
3 SOLDIER:
He weighs a wicked weight.
2 SOLDIER:
So
did we all four say
Ere he was heaved on height
And raised in this array.
4 SOLDIER:
He made us slow as any stones,
So awkward was he for to bear.
1 SOLDIER:
Let's raise him nimbly, and at once,
And set him in this mortice here,
And let him fall in all at once.
For surely, that pain has no peer!
3 SOLDIER:
Heave up!
4 SOLDIER:
And drop! And all his bones
Have shattered into pieces here.
1 SOLDIER:
This falling felt more ill
Than all the hurts he had.
Now every man can tell
The least bone in this lad.
3 SOLDIER:
I think this cross will not abide
Nor stand still in this mortice yet.
4 SOLDIER:
The mortice-hole is over-wide;
That makes it wave instead of set.
1 SOLDIER:
It must be fixed on either side
So that it shall no further flit.
Let's take these wedges for this tide
And fix the base; then all is fit.
2 SOLDIER:
Here are wedges arrayed
For that, both great and small.
3 SOLDIER:
Where are our hammers laid
That we should work withal?
4 SOLDIER:
We have them even here, at hand.
2 SOLDIER:
Give me this wedge; I'll hammer it.
4 SOLDIER:
Here is another ready, then.
2 SOLDIER:
Bring it here; I'll make this fit.
1 SOLDIER:
Lay on then, hard.
2 SOLDIER; I know that, man!
I'll drive both with one sturdy hit.
Now, this cross will stably stand.
Although he squirm, they will not split.
1 SOLDIER:
Well, sir, how like you now
This work that we have wrought?
4 SOLDIER:
We pray you, tell us how
You feel. Or faint you
ought?
JESUS:
All men that walk by path or street,
My sufferings take heed unto.
Behold my head, my hands, my feet,
And fully feel, before you go,
If any mourning may be fit,
Or torment, equal this unto.
My father that all pain may quit,
Forgive these men who these things do.
What they do, know they not.
Therefore, father, I crave
Their sins be punished naught.
But see their souls to save.
1 SOLDIER:
Well, hark! He chatters
like a jay.
2 SOLDIER:
I think he patters like a pie.
3 SOLDIER:
Well, he's been doing this all day,
Discussing mercy; who knows why?
4 SOLDIER:
Is this the same that did us say
That he was son of God on high?
1 SOLDIER:
He was; that's why this price he'll pay;
That's why he's ordered thus to die.
2 SOLDIER:
Va, qui destruis templum!
3 SOLDIER:
His words were thus, certain.
4 SOLDIER:
And, sirs, he said to some
He might raise it again.
1 SOLDIER:
To manage that he has no might,
For all the spells that he could cast.
For though he thought his words were bright,
Despite his cunning, he's nailed fast.
What Pilate judged is done this night,
Therefore I think that we should rest.
2 SOLDIER:
This thing must be reported right
Throughout the world, both east and west.
3 SOLDIER:
Let him hang there still
And make moues at the moon.
4 SOLDIER:
Then we can go at will.
1 SOLDIER:
No, good sirs, not so soon.
For here's another thing to note:
This garment would I from you crave.
2 SOLDIER:
No, no, sir, we will cast by lot
To see which man this thing shall have.
3 SOLDIER:
Then let's draw straws to win this coat.
Come, gather round--all sides to save.
4 SOLDIER:
The short straw wins, just as it ought,
Whether it fall to knight or knave.
1 SOLDIER:
Fellows, you must not fight;
This mantle here is mine.
2 SOLDIER:
Let's go then, and good night.
This is a waste of time!